Post #92: Forgiving Mom.
Why are mom’s so hard to forgive sometimes? And if it’s not your mom maybe there is someone else in your life that brings up judgment for you and pushes your buttons. You find yourself judging them then feeling guilty for all the thoughts and feelings that come up toward them. Maybe you even do what I did and spout off to them and tell them all the things they are doing wrong.
The truth is my mom can be very judgmental toward others. What I know after doing the same thing over and over and never feeling good about it, is that getting angry at her for it and calling her out invariably makes her feel hurt and makes me feel like crap. I know that is not the answer. Especially since I know that her judgments are coming from her own hurts and insecurities.
As much as I’d like to change this aspect of my mom, that’s certainly not going to happen if I make her feel worse than she already feels about herself. The truth is, she needs to feel loved and worthy, something she never felt from her own mother. But I also need to forgive myself for the guilt and shame I feel for sometimes disliking her for her judgmental ways. If I don’t face this then I build another wall and end up hurting her and myself even worse.
Sometimes I have the time and space within myself to handle her with gentleness and kindness. Sometimes my ego takes over and I try to make her see how awfully judgmental she can be. But in the end I realize that the only thing that can end this cycle is forgiveness, of her and myself.
Forgiveness is easiest when we remind ourselves of what others may have gone through to make them the way that they are. When we remind ourselves of their probable tragic past, it’s much easier to shift into our soul self, open our hearts, and truly forgive. It’s not an excuse for their behavior, it simply allows us to find peace as we navigate their behavior. When we “look” from our soul selves we come up with kind and heartfelt solutions rather than judgmental ego solutions which never make us or the other person feel good.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean we have to stick around to witness their behavior either. But in the case of an elderly parent that we truly want to spend time with in the last years of their lives, forgiveness makes it easier for us to do so. The last thing I want is to miss out on the last years of my mom’s life because I can’t see through the hurt and pain she still experiences from childhood. But I also know I can walk away in the moments our ego’s rear their ugly heads and give us both the space and time to shift back into our soul self to come up with a resolution.
I am sharing my forgiveness meditation for today. I listened to it this week to help myself forgive my mother. It really helped me today when I was on the phone with her when once again she fell into her judgmental ways. I took a deep breath and I felt the rush of anger pass over me. Then this miraculous space of grace and kindness washed over me and I actually took a moment to enjoy the fact that I was not reacting from ego. I was relishing in the kindness and compassion that forgiveness was allowing me to have in this moment toward her. I love my mom and she deserves for me to see past the hurt ego in her to the loving, kind spirit that she truly is. And if I can continue to do that for her, then maybe one day she can too.
If there is someone in your life that you have a continual struggle with, practice this forgiveness meditation. It could be your mother, an in-law, your spouse, someone you barely know, or someone at your work place. Set an intention to forgive this particular person and allow the guided meditation to do what it does best: drop those ego walls and allow you to feel empathy, compassion, kindness and love…yes love for this person!
I promise you will feel a huge weight lift off your shoulders. And the next time this person comes around you will feel genuine love and compassion toward them rather than angst and dread. So light a candle, set an intention and click on the image below to begin this forgiveness meditation.
Remember, you are a force for good in the world. The more consistent you get with these practices the more your life will become guided, sacred, and filled with meaning. You cannot help but then extend deep peace, joy, and contentment to your loved ones, friends, and everyone you meet. The world could use more of this, so let’s get you in the best space to make it happen.