Post 36: You are worthy exactly as you are as God created you!
Growing up with a perfectionist Mom, well, makes you a bit of a perfectionist. It has taken many years to let go of a few aggravating behaviors that I picked up, but I have learned a lot in the process.
My mother and my older sister are both list-writers so I naturally became one too at an early age. At some point I found myself listing things just so that I could feel the excitement as I checked off another to-do. I mean, do I really need to remind myself to take a shower or brush my teeth? My sister got so bad about this that my brother used to sneak into her room and scribble things like “breathe” onto my sister’s not-to-be-messed-with list!
We always had a good laugh over it, but over time I realized how much my list was stressing me out…and it wasn’t on my list to get stressed out!
I gave up my list many years ago, and since I find myself at the grocery store every other day I can’t say it looks to be the wisest decision. However, it wasn’t until I began reading A Course in Miracles that I realized the immensity of what I had been battling with all of those years.
As a child I picked up on a need to finish my list to feel worthwhile. In my early 20’s as I began practicing yoga I naturally began tapping into my truest nature as Spirit, which is whole, perfect, and eternal as we were created in God’s image. As I continued to tap into the truth of who and what I really was as a perfect creation of God, I came to know, beyond the understanding of my mind, that I was worthwhile without having to DO anything. This allowed me to let go of the need to make myself complete a list in order to feel worthwhile and hence allowed me to give up my list altogether.
The more I practiced yoga the more I realized that I always got my stuff done even when it wasn’t written down, and with a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders driving me to check it off, check it off, check it off! I still write lists from time to time for one thing or another, but I am not a slave to my list by any means. Every now and then some things slip beneath the cracks but I now know that it doesn’t make me worthless!
Honestly, every now and again I find that list being created in my head…fold laundry, feed dogs, organize table…as feelings of worthiness hang in the balance. I take a deep breath, and another, and another, and remember that truly I am worthwhile just as God created me, and I don’t have to lift a finger to prove it!
When you really get this you can go on about your daily chores with ease AND find guidance and GUILT-FREE time for your creative passion and relaxation too!
Choose Spirit Now!
CSN Homework: The next time you find yourself writing a list, on paper or in your head, ask yourself if you are banking feelings of worthiness on its completion. You will immediately know intuitively! If so, take a deep breath and repeat the following silently in your mind: I am worthy as a perfect creation of God who created me in His image. I am worthwhile NOW, not just once I have completed my list.
Now ask yourself if there is something else you may want to do with your time, now that your worthiness isn’t based on x-y-z being accomplished.
When you really start practicing this you will find time seems to expand and you will get your must-dos accomplished, maybe not in the record time you used to force upon yourself, but with less stress and more ease. The reward for practicing this is that now you find you have more time to include life-giving to-do’s like simply relaxing, which opens you up for creative projects!
One more thing: when you find you are pushing yourself to do the to-do list check-off, forgive yourself and have a sense of humor surrounding the ego and its driving ability!