Post 58: Trying to make a decision but not sure which way to go?
I am told by many that I am the most indecisive person. Sometimes ordering at a restaurant can find me looking perplexed when it comes my turn. I find myself fumbling with the menu as if that’s going to take away from the fact that I’ve just taken a noticeable 20 second pause after telling the waiter, “Yes, I’d like theeeeeeeeee…………”. I find myself going into this void of nothingness, no decision, no answer, no nothing! And I feel that familiar fear that everyone around me will find out how indecisive I really am and judge me for it. What the hell? This was just supposed to be a simple lunch!
Just the other day I was listening to a video about making decisions and I learned something about myself that immediately wiped away all the fear and judgment of myself. I learned that this indecision was not a bad thing at all. Rather it showed how thought, intuition, empathy, and sensitivity went into making all of my decisions, right down to the simplest of ones, choosing a meal off of a menu. Now that can’t be all bad, right?
As I thought about that, for the first time I found myself proud of the way I go about making my decisions. But what about the times when that 20 second pause turns into days, weeks, or months of trying to make a decision but not coming up with a clear answer? Well, I have a positive spin on that too.
One of two things are happening here:
1. You are not ready to make the decision yet because not all of the information is out on the table. In other words, play the waiting game and sure enough you will learn something soon that will greatly affect your decision and allow you to make it quite easily.
Example: You can’t decide whether or not to break up with Joe Shmoe. He’s a pretty good guy, compared to what else you’ve seen out there, but you’re not 100% sure if he’s right for you. A week later Joe Schmoe is found guilty of texting another female and it doesn’t look platonic. There’s your answer.
2. You are actually making a decision but not fully committing. This looks like you haven’t made a decision but in reality you are steadily marching forward toward a decision or with a decision. Sometimes this is necessary because the decision we are making is beyond our comfort zone and so intuitively we know that it is right, but on a more basic level we need more time to process it and accept it.
Example: You can’t decide whether or not to have another child but find yourself getting cysts surgically removed from your ovaries in preparation “just in case”.
So, if you are finding yourself in a quandary over a particular decision, take a deep breath, and relax. It will come. It always does.